'One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things...'
(Henry Miller)
What do you associate with Thailand... the food? Lady Boys? Ping Pong?!
Stereotypes come with the territory nowadays, and if I'd chosen to listen to
all the ones associated with this particular country, I probably wouldn't have
even bothered coming! We've all seen 'The Hangover 2', and while the antics are
indeed hilarious, I really didn't fancy ending up in a Thai prison as a result
of some scam. Probably drug related. (OK, maybe this is a bit extreme.)
However, being the hardcore travellers we are (eight weeks and counting), the
promise of some sun and cheap living was enough of a reason to get on that
plane. I can honestly say it's one of the best decisions we've made. From what
we've seen so far of it, Thailand is absolutely stunning – so much ancient
history coupled with by far some of the best beaches you'll ever see. But
enough about the beaches - the next installment will be about our island
hopping adventures - today I thought I'd concentrate on the notorious capital,
Bangkok. This, for me, has been the biggest surprise of all - I loved every
minute of it and can definitely see why so many westerners jump at the chance
to come and work here.
I'm going to try really hard and not make comparisons with India although
it's quite difficult not to: both countries are worlds apart in every possible
way. Our time in India was amazing and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to
experience such a weird and wonderful place, but after spending almost two
months there, I didn't expect Thailand to be so, well, modern. Take our
first taxi ride from the airport to the hostel, for example. I'd become so used
to the constant beeping of horns that after a few minutes’ drive IN SILENCE I
realised that driving in Bangkok wasn't the 'wacky races' that we'd been used
to. What a relief! The cars were actually in decent nick too - we wouldn't have
to worry about risking our lives by getting in death traps from now on! The streets
are so clean, the skyline made up of impressive high rise buildings, there's
a sky train?! Water taxis?! I could definitely get used to this!
I would never put 'shopping' and 'Bangkok' in the same sentence. Until now,
that is. The only downside is that, being a traveller, most of the stuff I'd
normally jump at the chance of buying is not very practical! I challenge anyone
to come here and not walk away with something 'blag' - I've seen some of the
best 'fakes' here than anywhere else, even Dubai. I've wistfully walked past Mulberry’s,
Chanel’s, Louboutin’s... trying to rationalise with myself that denim shorts and
flip flops are all that I need in the foreseeable future (a teeny part
of me still thinks that I could rock a Mulberry with my backpack, though.)
There are shopping malls on every street corner: there's one in particular,
MBK, with seven floors. Seven floors. There's a whole floor purely
dedicated to electronics - 'blag' iPhones, iPads and ‘Beats’ headphones galore!
I tell you, it's taken amazing willpower (on my part) to resist such
temptation, although I admit I got a bit hyper when I found a mall with a
Topshop, Zara, H&M AND Forever 21 in. There isn't even a Forever 21 in
Liverpool, for God's sake! And if you tire of the malls, there are always the
markets - 'Chatuchak' market happens every Saturday, and it's a sodding maze:
without a map we would have definitely gotten lost! The advantage of a market
is that you name your price - we've gotten pretty good at bartering: tip - always
halve the asking price and go from there! This particular place was a winner
with me as they have a 'pet' section; there are puppies of any breed you could
want: Chows, Chihuahuas, and, my absolute favourite, Pugs (I do admit they look
like they've ran into a wall, but they're so cute!)
Aside from the shopping, Bangkok is famed for its cuisine: Thai food is a
favourite of mine so I was excited to try it on its home turf. Now, these malls
are equipped with massive food courts, boasting international as well as
traditional Thai food. But if you want to experience how the locals eat, and
save a few pennies, head to the street. Street food is a concept slightly
foreign to us Brits - although we're partial to the odd burger van, the idea of
eating our dinner at the road side is a bit odd. Well, not here. I was a bit
apprehensive at first, after six weeks off the meat, but I had nothing to worry
about as it’s all freshly cooked right in front of you. I'm a bit of a spice
freak so I love the fact that chillies are a staple ingredient to almost
everything! Yes, there are some things that I can't bring myself to try - deep
fried scorpions do not make my mouth water - but there's so much else to choose
from: traditional 'Pad Thai', noodle soups, seafood, fresh fruit... and all for
a fraction of the price you'd pay in a restaurant and probably nicer, if I'm
honest.
I have become somewhat more relaxed in my appearance whilst travelling. I
admit, a tan does help so there’s no need to pile on the bronzer and you can’t
go wrong with shorts and a vest in the heat! But without my trusty rollers and extensive
wardrobe, it’s quite hard to feel, well, nice.
In India it didn't really bother me – I was actively trying to cover up to
avoid ‘Peeping Toms’ – but here in Bangkok it’s a completely different kettle
of fish. The women take so much pride in their appearance, a refreshing change
after staring at sari’s for so long. Just walking down the street, you see
girls with perfectly tonged hair rocking a smoky eye holding onto their designer
handbag. And it’s early morning! They also love their heels – kind of reminds
me of being back in the ‘Pool, although I must say they are slightly more
elegant than some of the WAG wannabes you see strutting round Liverpool One.
Whereas us Scousers all have our spray tan fix on speed dial, Thai women are
taking it to the other extreme and actually bleaching their skin to achieve a
porcelain complexion. I'm not kidding – actively
making yourself pale? Unheard of where I come from. Shops are filled with
‘whitening’ creams, pastes, gels… adverts on the television are promoting this
‘fresh’ complexion, but surely this is more dangerous than applying a bit of
Sun Shimmer? At least we can scrub ours off; these poor girls are actually
damaging their skin for good.
I can't write about Bangkok and not mention Lady Boys, they come hand in
hand. We'd been warned to expect them, but I was in no way prepared for the
sheer amount of them. They're everywhere! I actually quite like it - it shows
how opened minded the country is and how accepting they are of different sexual
orientations. My first encounter with a ‘she he’ was in Boots: I was happily
stocking up on EVERYTHING and went up to a sales assistant to ask her if what I
was holding was actually face moisturiser (Thai is impossible to decipher). I
was met with a resounding 'Yes' in the deepest voice - not ladylike at all!
Upon closer inspection, she was indeed a 'he'! Honestly, from far away, you
would have no idea - their make-up is impeccable with not a hair out of place,
cracking figures and some with boobs worthy of a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.
The Mac also made a friend in the lovely ‘Pam’ who cut his hair, not realising
it was a fella until he saw her rather large hands in the mirror chopping away
at his barnet! These are the 'upmarket' ones: there are others that fall into
the 'transvestite' category and wouldn't be out of place at a cabaret, bless
them.
Aside from this, the Lady Boys are not the only attraction to the bright
lights of Bangkok: the abundance of 'go-go' bars in the tourist districts bring
with them the presence of many 'working' girls, where the job description goes
far beyond the bar. These 'bar beer' girls are not outright prostitutes: when they
set their sights on a western man, their intentions are way past the bedroom.
They look at it as a business deal where they are compensated for their time
and basically act as a girlfriend for the duration of the gentleman's holiday.
They are rewarded for their time with day trips, meals, nights out on the town
and presents. Very ‘Pretty Woman-esque’. This is why older, more vulnerable men
are always a target because they tend to have more of a disposable income and,
frankly, cannot believe their luck that they've managed to bag a Thai girl in
her twenties. I don’t believe for a second that these men are unaware of what
they’re getting themselves into – being ‘had off’ here is so highly publicised
that they must just be that desperate for company. Who am I to judge, though? I
lost count of the amount of times I saw a Thai girl strolling hand-in-hand with
a man old enough to be their dad. I don’t know why; hiring a girl is probably
easier than renting a scooter here. Many of these girls are lured from rural
regions during the 'dry' season, knowing this type of work will bring home the
bacon. It’s quite funny to watch them work their magic but, if I was trying to
lure a western gent, I’d start by making myself look half decent; some of the
girls hanging around outside these bars look like they've just got up! And
their dancing leaves something to be desired – what is sexy about a girl
half-arsed swaying her hips to the beat whilst walking around a pole? Not much,
in my book!
As well as seeing a real live Lady Boy, Bangkok is the first place I've experienced a Thai massage. I pictured picture a calm, peaceful atmosphere on
one of those tables with a hole for your head, maybe a bit of Zen-like music…
Not lying face down on a makeshift mattress fully clothed and packed in with
countless others like sardines! It was not relaxing in the slightest – the
woman I had was either extremely tired or bored as she yawned her way through
it and seemed more interested in having a chat to the woman next to her. Oh
well, what do you expect for £3?! On another note, if you've ever been to a
Thai cinema, you’ll know what a strange experience it is, watching the
trailers. I was contentedly munching on my popcorn (note: they have caramel
flavoured popcorn, a real winner) watching the trailers when, all of a sudden,
everyone in the theatre stands up. ‘What’s
going on?’ I'm thinking, ‘Are we
evacuating?’ Turns out it’s customary at the beginning of every film to pay
tribute to the Thai King, and a montage of him and his family accompanied by a
big ballad (could be the Thai national anthem, for all I know) blasts out for a
couple of minutes. Then everyone sits down and carries on like nothing’s
happened. Very strange. Imagine if we all had to get up and sing our national
anthem before every film? People would be going mental that their nachos were
getting cold!
Bangkok is a city with something for everyone – it’s a major business hub
with a lot of companies having international offices here, and the shopping and night-life rival those of other major tourist hotspots. However, if you’re more
of a ‘culture vulture’ there’s plenty to do in terms of sightseeing – we spent
a good few days viewing ancient Buddhist temples, wandering around the Grand
Palace and sailing down the Chao Phraya River. There is one place we did go to
that not many guidebooks mention; I’d never even heard of this place, but I am
travelling with the world’s biggest geek when it comes to researching a city!
The Siriraj Medical Museum is located inside an actual working hospital (bit of
a nightmare to find) and it rose to fame in the early nineteenth century as
Thailand’s first western medical centre. What a weird little place this is. Bodies
preserved in formaldehyde to display certain conditions and the extent of some
injuries. Babies with the most horrendous disfigurements, skulls with bullet
holes… They've even got some bodies that have naturally mummified – the labels
next to them explained they were those of rapists and murderers and were preserved
as a warning. Lovely. What a way to brighten your day. If you’re medically
minded or genuinely interested in this sort of thing, I guess it would be
extremely fascinating, but I can just about deal with a paper cut, let alone
pictures of bodies blown to pieces!
So, as much as I enjoyed the sights and sounds of Bangkok, my tan was
beginning to fade: it’d been a few weeks since Goa and I was starting to have
sun withdrawal symptoms! The islands were calling… what ‘first’s’ could I tick
off the list next? Snorkelling Maybe a bit of diving… More importantly, as luck
would have it, we’d be in the vicinity of the infamous ‘Full Moon’ Party.
Buckets of alcohol, neon body paint… Oh dear!
